Words of Intent
by Schattengestalt
Summary: During his eighth year at Hogwarts, Harry develops a crush on his Potions Master. Harry does not dare to act on his feelings, until he thoughtlessly makes a magical vow that forces him to make a move. Snarry.
1. The Vow

**Author Notes: **This is my first story for Harry Potter, which will contain multiple chapters, instead of turning into a series.^^

Also, the story is compliant with book 6, but I took the liberty to change certain events, which happened in book 7. I`m sure you`ll notice the changes I made and just to make sure that you aren`t confused, the story takes place after the war.

**Appreciation: **Thank you, **Yen**, for taking the time to beta read this story, although you are very busy at the moment.*hugs* I`m very happy that you are helping me, dear.=)

**The Vow**

"If you continue like this, Mr. Potter, you might even get a passable grade in your NEWTs."

A couple of years ago, such a comment from their Potions Master would have shocked the entire classroom into silence and possibly even cause some students to faint from shock. It had been an unspoken rule that the Head of Slytherin would never compliment a Gryffindor, least of all Harry Potter, but that rule was null and void now. Only a few of the mixed group of Slytherin and Gryffindor students reacted to those words, a couple of Lions grinning proudly at Harry while a few Slytherins sneered at him. Harry didn't pay them any mind. His whole attention was focused on Snape's back as the Potions Master walked back to the front of the class.

Harry had been a little scared of the Potions Master during his earlier years at Hogwarts and thought he looked dark and menacing, but now he found those aspects rather... thrilling. Snape reminded him of a panther, moving majestically among the students of Hogwarts as if looking for his next prey. A shudder ran down Harry's spine at this thought. If only Snape would stalk him again like he had done a few years back, he thought with a sigh. He had never thought he would one day wish for such a strange thing, but so much had changed after the war it wasn't so surprising that he viewed Snape in a different light now.

After all, the Potions Master had fought alongside them.

Harry still felt awe when he thought about how Snape had managed to run Hogwarts during the war without raising Voldemort's suspicions and at the same time, kept the students as safe as possible. He knew that he himself would have never been able to pull that off... none of them would have been able to fool so many people, including themselves, like Snape had.

For Merlin's sake, he, Hermione and Ron wouldn't have been able to even find all the Horcruxes if the Potions Master hadn't helped them. It was Snape who had destroyed the diadem of Ravenclaw and gotten the the Hufflepuff cup for them from Bellatrix's vault.

A small grin appeared on Harry's face when he remembered how aghast he had been when Fawkes had brought them the Pensive and the memories of the late Headmaster of conversations between Snape and Dumbledore, which proved that the Potions Master was still on the Headmaster's side. He had been even more appalled when Snape had appeared at their side while they were on the run and started ordering them around. He, Ron and Hermione had known they could trust him then, but that hadn't changed how they viewed him.

Harry didn't know when his two friends had finally come around and accepted their Potions Master, at least, as an ally, but he knew the exact moment when his own opinion about Snape had changed irrevocably.

"_Do you have a death wish, Potter?!"_

_Harry cringed under the furious look the Potions Master sent his way. Only a year ago, he would have argued with Snape and told him that he should leave him alone, but not anymore. He knew how stupid he had been and that it was only thanks to the Potions Master that he was still alive._

_After they had learned of Snape's true alliance and his first appearance at Grimmauld Place before the debacle with the locket at the Ministry, they still hadn't wanted his help. Harry could almost laughed at their arrogance now. They had been so stupid back then, even Hermione hadn't wanted Snape to get involved in their plans It was a good thing the Potions Master hadn't listened to them at all. He had somehow found time to check up on them as often as possible to make sure they were still alive and hadn't managed to kill themselves._

_His words, not Harry's._

_The young Gryffindor had growled at those words the first time they were uttered, but now... he couldn't say anything anymore, because he had almost managed exactly that - killing himself!_

_Harry groaned inwardly. Snape had already said he would bring them something to destroy Slytherin's locket with, something he had used to destroy a diadem which had also been turned into a Horcrux. Harry was adamant in wanting to destroy the locket before Snape came back since he had found out about _Fiendfire. _At least he now knew why Hermione hadn't told them about it before. He had lost control of the flames almost immediately._

"_Using _Fiendfire_ and not being able to control it is stupid, but... using it on a frozen lake while standing on said lake is suicidal. If you keep on with such brainless acts, the Dark Lord won't have to worry about killing you anymore since you are sure to manage it all by yourself, Potter!"_

_Harry could only nod. What else was there for him to do after his stupid act?_

_The _Fiendfire _had not only destroyed the Horcrux, but also the layer of ice on which he had been standing. The freezing water was all around him an instant later, his mind was blank from the sudden icy shock and magical flames were leaping above him, ready to burn him the instant he surfaced. He had only two options then - dying from lack of oxygen or being burned alive._

_That was, until the flames suddenly disappeared and a black figure appeared in front of his vision. Snape had dived into the freezing water to pull him out after extinguishing the _Fiendfire.

_Harry looked closely at the man standing in their tent now, lecturing him about his stupidity, after sending Ron and Hermione outside to keep watch. Snape had never been attractive on a good day, but Harry had never seem him look as bad as he did now. Even after drying and warming charms, Snape's pale face was more gray than the last time he had seen him. There were dark circles under his tired eyes and he looked thinner than ever after taking off his heavy cloak upon entering the warmth of their tent._

_Harry gulped._

_Snape had told them what he did, but until now the young Gryffindor hadn't truly understood what being the Headmaster of Hogwarts in times of war meant, pretending to be on Voldemort's side while covertly helping the Light all the time. And Harry had only made life more complicated for the beleaguered Potions Master._

_He never felt so ashamed of himself as he did right now._

"_I'm sorry, sir. I'll never do such a stupid thing again. I will listen to you from now on, I promise."_

_When Snape stared in disbelief at him, Harry braced himself for a scathing remark, but the Potions Master only nodded._

"_See that you do," he ordered before striding out of the tent._

Ever since that day, Harry's respect for the Potions Master had grown with each passing day until it finally turned into physical attraction...

Harry blinked when a sharp elbow connected with his side.

"What?" he hissed at Hermione who sat next to him.

"Class is already over, Harry."

Harry blinked at her before looking around to see the other students busy packing their bags and leaving the classroom. He hadn't paid any attention to anything else after Snape had complimented him on his potion.

His potion!

Harry turned back to his cauldron and felt his jaw drop in shock.

It was empty!

But he hadn't given a sample to Snape! That meant that he wouldn't get a mark and therefore-

"When I noticed you were busy daydreaming, I filled a vial with your potion and passed it to Professor Snape along with mine. I've also written down our assignment for the next class, so come on!"

Harry let out a sigh of relief. "You're the best, Hermione!"

Beaming widely, he followed her out of the classroom and stole a final glance at Snape who was gathering up the vials from his desk. He didn't notice the exasperated look Hermione sent his way as they went back to Gryffindor Tower.

OOO

Transfiguration was much less complicated now that he had the time to study.

Harry smiled down at his half finished essay. It was still difficult, but much easier without having to worry about Dark Lords and prophecies and Horcruxes. Many of his peers had decided to retake their final year at Hogwarts. So far, it was the best school year Harry had ever experienced. Never had he thought he would enjoy studying this much, but he did and he was sure that he would do well in his NEWTs. Not as well as Hermione, but...

"Harry, I have to talk with you."

Speak of the devil!

Harry rolled his eyes as he looked up at the brilliant witch who had taken the seat next to him on the couch. He loved Hermione like a sister, but sometimes she got on his nerves, especially since she wouldn't leave him alone with a certain topic. Hopeful green eyes darted around the common room only to spot Ron in a far corner, playing chess with Seamus.

Harry sighed inwardly. If Ron wasn't going to join them, it could only mean Hermione wanted to discuss Snape with him. Again. The tingle of a Privacy charm cast a second later proved he was right.

"Hermione, I know what you want to say and..."

"If you know that then why don't you finally do something about it?" Hermione cut in, her heated glare reminding Harry of that stunning moment when she had taken down Fenrir Greyback all by herself during the Final Battle at Hogwarts.

Harry gave an explosive sigh, throwing his essay down on the nearest table. He felt as frustrated as Hermione looked.

"What do you think I should do then? Go to Snape and tell him that I've been fancying him since last summer? That his voice sends shudders down my spine and that I dream about what lie beneath his robes every night?!"

Hermione didn't even blink at his outburst. Her hand shot out to grip his arm, preventing him from getting up.

"I didn't say you should confess anything to him, but you could try to get closer to him. I mean, the two of you get along fine now after you cleared his name at the trials. Besides, remember how he cried over your seemingly dead body?"

A softer sigh escaped past Harry's lips. Of course Hermione was right, he and Snape did get along much better than they ever did before the war took place.

During the Final Battle, the Potions Master had blown his cover and fought alongside the Order members and students of Hogwarts. At that time, he hadn't known what Dumbledore's portrait had told Harry about having to let Voldemort kill him in order to destroy the Horcrux in his scar, but Harry still remembered what Snape had done when his apparently lifeless body was thrown at his feet.

If Neville hadn't chosen that moment to kill Nagini, Voldemort would certainly have killed Snape when the man had dropped to his knees next to Harry. The young Gryffindor wasn't able to see the expression on Snape's face since he had to keep his eyes closed and pretend he was dead, but he couldn't have imagined the hoarse, anguished cry which left the Potions Master's throat.

Of course, that didn't have to mean anything.

"Hermione, I told you time and time again, he was probably just shocked I was dead, because... well, they all had so much hope in me. It doesn't mean-"

"But you don't know that for sure!"

Harry stubbornly shook his head, but Hermione was just as if not more stubborn than him.

"You should at least try to find out what he feels for you and even more importantly, what you feel for him!"

Harry glared at her, his lips pressed in a thin line.

Hermione and Ron had taken his confession that he was gay and felt attracted to their Potions Master very well. Alright, Ron still refused to discuss guys with him and never gave any advice how to get closer to Snape, but at least he didn't treat him any differently than before. Hermione on the other hand, was eager to discuss about his feelings for their Potions Master as often as she could and Harry got the feeling that she wanted to play matchmaker, but now...

"I know very well what I feel! I'm gay! I'm attracted to men and-"

A finger on his lips stopped him mid sentence.

"I don't doubt that, Harry, but it seems to me you only have a crush on Professor Snape. It would be best if you found out whether or not you want more... like a serious relationship or if it's just a passing fancy."

Harry opened his mouth to tell Hermione he knew exactly what he wanted from Snape, only to close his mouth again.

What _did_ he want from Snape?

Yes, he fancied him and he dreamed about removing his clothes and learning how he looked like naked and he also imagined how it would be to go on a date with Snape. Nothing spectacular, just an outing to the cinema or some nice restaurant. After all, he knew he could hold a conversation with the Potions Master now without it turning into an argument. They had done so many times after the war.

But... what else did he want?

Harry had never dared to dream about more, since he didn't think that Snape would ever return his feelings. He didn't have an answer for Hermione. He didn't know Snape well enough to imagine a future with him.

Hermione seemed to take his silence as an answer in itself and continued.

"You have to get to know Professor Snape better. Maybe you could ask him to talk with you about the war or ask him for help with potions. I'm sure he won't turn you down."

With Hermione smiling at him like it was her greatest idea ever, Harry admitted it sounded good, but...

"When should I do that? With the upcoming NEWTs I don't have time for…"

"Don't give me that! You have time to play Quidditch almost every day even though you're not on the team anymore! Don't tell me you don't have time to talk with the man you fancy!"

The no nonsense look on her face reminded Harry of Mrs. Weasley. He grinned inwardly when he imagined what his best mate was up against, but a quick glance at Ron showed he was still busy beating Seamus. The redhead probably knew what Hermione was capable of after all their fighting and the years they had spent in denial before they finally got together.

Harry looked back at Hermione who was staring at him intently as if her glare alone could force him to do as she said. He didn't doubt one moment she would be able to do that, if she knew how Legilimency worked.

And even without any magical force, he had to admit she was right. He had exchanged a few words with the Potions Master during the school year and they had been polite towards each other, but he hadn't once gone out of his way to speak with Snape. He wasn't sure how to behave around the Potions Master now, even though the man treated him much better than in the past.

It wasn't the history between them that was keeping Harry away from Snape, but... fear. Fear he would accidentally let Snape know how he felt if he spent too much time with the Potions Master and ruin everything with his impulsiveness. He had thought that a friendship with the Potions Master would be worth more than risk letting him know, but Hermione's words now made him realize he didn't even have that much.

Over the past few months, he had spent all his free time playing Quidditch instead of facing Snape. That meant he wouldn't have any connection with him once he finished school. In fact - Harry felt his heart sinking - there were only two months left before he would leave Hogwarts forever and probably never see Snape again!

The young Gryffindor took a shaky breath. If he had to choose, then finding out what he truly felt for the Potions Master was more important than Quidditch. He looked at Hermione who was still staring at him. She probably wouldn't believe him now if he told her she was right. He needed something to convince her of his new resolve. He owed her that much.

With a nod, Harry turned to face her fully and put his hand right above his heart even though it probably looked a bit ridiculous to anyone watching. The knowledge that they wouldn't be able to hear what he was about to say made an imp of mischief rise in him.

"I, Harry James Potter, swear that I won't play Quidditch anymore until I have kissed Severus Snape. Otherwise I will, er... lose my ability to fly on a broom!"

Harry added the last few words to take away some of the seriousness of the vow since Hermione's brown eyes had widened in something like panic the moment he started to speak. It looked like he would have to explain to her he just meant he was serious in getting to know Snape.

Opening his mouth, Harry let out a gasp instead. His magic was rising fast inside him, swirling around him like a maelstrom and his head was spinning. He leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes tightly to prevent himself from blacking out from the sensation. He had never felt anything like this and was just wondering if it was some long lasting after effect from his fight against Voldemort when the sensation vanished as suddenly as it had appeared, his magic settling down again.

Heaving a sigh of relief, Harry opened his eyes to grin at Hermione. To his surprise, she was still staring at him, her eyes wide with fear.

"Harry! Did you - you just made a magical, binding vow!"

The grin slipped from Harry's face.


	2. The Consequences

**Author Notes: **Thank you all for your wonderful reviews.*hugs them all* I`m sorry that I`m only now able to post the next chapter, but college kept me busy these past few weeks and I didn`t find the time to update this story.^^"

I hope you will still enjoy the new chapter.=)

**Appreciation: **As always, this chapter wouldn`t be the same or ready for posting, without** Yen`****s** awesome skills at beta-reading and improving this chapter.:) Thank you, dear.*hugs*

**The Consequences**

Harry stared at the wooden door in front of him. Was this really the right course of action?

His green eyes darted from the door to the stone walls around him. He had always dreaded the dungeons. At first, it was because he knew his Potions Master hated him and would do everything in his power to ridicule him, and now... because that itself had changed.

Harry sighed and ran a hand through his already messy hair. Snape didn't hate him anymore, not since they had fought alongside each other in the war and especially not after Harry and his friends had done everything in their power to clear Snape's name. They had spent many summer evenings preparing for the hearings at the court and planning for the worst case scenario.

In fact, if the Wizengamot had sent Snape to Azkaban, Harry knew that he and his friends would have broken the Potions Master out. After hunting Horcruxes for almost a year, it would have been quite easy to do that especially since Azkaban didn't have Dementors as guards anymore. Still, it was better that such an extreme action hadn't been necessary. That idea had sounded pretty cool at the time, but Harry was sure it wouldn't have been so great for Snape to be on the run for the rest of his life and he might have never have seen the man again.

Harry grimaced as he recalled Hermione telling him that he still never saw Snape outside of classes, because he was too cowardly to approach the Potions Master. He groaned inwardly. He knew why he hadn't visited Snape, it was because of his fear that all his hopes and dreams would shatter if he spent more time with the Potions Master. Yes, he knew it was ridiculous after they had spent so many evenings together, talking about everything and nothing at the same time, after everyone else had already gone to bed. In fact, there was no reason to avoid Snape and a lot of reasons to visit him, and yet, Harry had only come down here after he didn't have a choice... unless he decided he never wanted to play Quidditch ever again.

_"Hermione, what do you mean by a magical, binding vow?"_

_Harry stared at her, only just managing to keep his hands from trembling as he waited for her answer. The only vow he had ever heard about was the _Unbreakable Vow _and he was quite certain it needed two people and an exchange of promises for it to activate._

_He supposed it was logical there were more types of vows in the Wizarding World than just the one, but... how could he have made one if he didn't even know what he was doing?_

_No. Hermione was certainly wrong and... wait. How often had she been wrong since he knew her?_

_Well, there was the time when she was just as convinced as he and Ron were that Snape was trying to steal the Philosopher Stone back in their first year. She had also believed Malfoy was innocent back in their sixth year, but that was it. __She had never been wrong when it came to magical theory. But maybe this was an exception to the rule and..._

_"What just happened here? You two look like Voldemort just came back from the dead."_

_Harry jerked in surprise as Ron sat down opposite them and then he saw Hermione wave her wand to include the redhead in their conversation._

_"Harry made a vow," Hermione stated in a matter of fact voice._

_Ron's eyes widened comically as he stared from Hermione to Harry and then back at his girlfriend. Under different circumstances, Harry would have found the sight amusing, but when Ron turned pale after Hermione told him exactly what Harry had said, he__couldn't find anything funny in the situation anymore._

_Ron wasn't the most brilliant of wizards, but he had grown up in a Wizarding family so he should be familiar with magical bonds and vows. If he was frightened at what Harry had done, then..._

_"You _**have **_to fulfill the vow."_

_Harry only blinked at his best mate._

_"Are you sure that there is no other way? We could... try to break the vow."_

_Ron and Hermione shook their heads in union._

_"You can't break a magical vow, without facing the consequences, Harry!" Hermione exclaimed._

_"Maybe a very powerful wizard could break the vow, but... the only one with that amount of power was Dumbledore and..." Ron trailed off. He didn't need to finish the sentence._

_They all knew what had happened to the former Headmaster and although two years had passed since then, they still missed him. Especially in moments like__ this__, Harry mused._

_"So, I have to... kiss Snape or I will never be able to play Quidditch again?" __Harry shook his head in denial.__"That can't be true. I mean... how did I even form a bond without knowing it?"_

_Hermione sighed. It was her "If-you-read-books-you-would-know-about-this" sigh and Harry braced himself for more information coming his way._

_"Magic is always about intent. You remember Bellatrix telling you that you have to mean it, when you curse someone?"_

_Harry grimaced and nodded at the reminder of __his fifth year encounter with __that bitch._

_"It's always like that. Not so much with simple spells like _Accio_, but with more powerful __ma__gic_**_, _**_and vows are very powerful magic. If you don't mean what you say, your magic won't activate to create the bond... or if you aren't powerful enough to form the bond, of course."_

_Harry bit his lower lip. __He couldn't deny that he had meant what he said, but..._

_"Maybe I'm not powerful enough for the bond to..."_

_Ron's laughter stopped him mid-sentence._

_"Sorry, mate, but if I have to make a guess then you are the most powerful wizard among us, maybe even the most powerful wizard in Hogwarts or in Britain."_

_Harry shook his head in denial, but then it was Hermione's turn to shatter all his hopes._

_"Remember __how __you cast a Patronus charm which was strong enough to drive away all Dementors in our third year? Or __how __your _Expelliarmus _was stronger than Voldemort's _Avada Kedavra _during the final battle?"_

_Harry tried to open his mouth to protest, but no words came out. __Hermione was right and that meant..._

_"You go down to Snape right now and..."_

_"I can't just kiss him when he opens the door! He will kill me and use me as potion ingredients."_

_The brilliant witch only rolled her eyes and Ron, who would have paled in horror at that image in the past, only snorted._

_"He won't do any such thing and you don't have to kiss him right away. You talk with him, build up a relationship and maybe kissing comes naturally to you two and if it doesn't... just give him a peck on the cheek. That should fulfill the vow as well."_

_Harry could only gaped at his best mate. __He knew that Ron had accepted his crush on Snape, but he had always thought he would never be able to talk with the redhead about it and now... he was urging him to get together with Snape!_

_"Don't look like that, Harry! I'm not as narrow minded as you think I am."_

_Before Harry could protest, Ron had already hauled him to his feet and pushed him towards the door of the common room._

_"Don't you dare come back without making any progress!"_

_With those rather ominous sounding words, Harry was sent on his way towards the dungeons by his two best friends._

The young Gryffindor sighed again as he stared at the door. He had walked to his own death at the final battle, hoping his sacrifice would help one of his friends to kill Voldemort, but he hadn't hesitated for as long as he did now, standing in front of Snape's quarters.

Ridiculous.

Raising his hand, Harry knocked on the door before he could think any longer about what might happen once the Potions Master opened it. He just had to see this damned vow as a chance to get to know the man better, find out if his feelings were more than just a crush on Snape and if not, make the older wizard fall in love with him as well. Simple.

Unfortunately, his calming thoughts didn't help at all. He still flinched when the door opened and two black orbs looked down at him.

"Potter, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

The words were teasing instead of mocking or annoyed, so Harry took heart in that as he took a step towards the Potions Master.

"Can I come in, please?"

OOO

Severus frowned as he heard the knock at his door. His Snakes normally didn't come to him at this late hour, it was past curfew after all. Of course, they knew they could still get him if it was an emergency, but he doubted that was the case this time. The knock had sounded too calm and unhurried.

Sighing, Severus marked the page in his book and closed it before getting up from his armchair. Maybe Minerva had decided to have a drink with him before the NEWT and OWL exams started. He wouldn't say no to some Firewhisky.

Opening the door, the Potions Master found himself staring at the one student he hadn't expected to ever meet in front of his door.

"Potter, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

Severus made sure to keep his voice light and bare of any sneering. The time when he had belittled the young man at every opportunity was long gone. Potter had earned his respect during the Horcrux hunt especially when Severus learned how he had willingly walked to his death, in order to make Voldemort mortal again... although Severus could have killed the young Gryffindor for his recklessness when he learned of that.

He supposed it was a good thing Albus hadn't told him about the Horcrux in the boy's scar or he would... well, Severus didn't know what he would have done, but he certainly wouldn't have allowed Potter to walk to his death. Maybe he would have accepted it as a necessity before he had got to known Potter better, but after they had fought alongside to beat Voldemort... No, he would have fled the country with the brat, even if he had to force the young Gryffindor to go with him.

"Can I come in, please?"

Potter's polite question interrupted Severus' thoughts. He had no idea what had brought the young man down here.

After the school year started, he had expected a visit - or a few visits at least - from Potter. After all, they had gotten along well during the summer months and Severus had looked forward to more conversations with the young Gryffindor. He had never thought it possible, but he had started to like the spawn of James Potter during the last year. Like him and... maybe even more.

But Severus had forbade himself such thoughts whenever his eyes lingered on the athletic figure of the young man. He might have allowed them if Potter had searched him out to continue building their friendship, but... he hadn't and Severus was forced to dismiss their nice evenings together as a passing mood of Potter.

In fact, he had almost convinced himself that he was looking forward to the end of the school year so he wouldn't have to see Potter anymore. Now... the young man was asking to be let into his quarters. Severus should deny him, but... he was too curious to find out what brought Potter to him to do that.

Stepping aside, the Potions Master gestured for him to come in.

OOO

Harry followed Snape into his quarters. Many students would be surprised that they weren't dark and dimly lit with a few candles like the chambers of vampires in books, but Harry wasn't. He had never been to the Potion Master's quarters before, but he had learned enough about the man during the summer to have different expectations about his quarters.

When they had stayed at Grimmauld Place, Harry had found out that Snape liked to sit in front of the fireplace in a comfortable armchair, preferably with a good book. Hence, it didn't surprise Harry to find himself in a cozy living room with a well lit fireplace and a lounge that included two armchairs and two couches, placed in a circle around a glass coffee table.

Green eyes looked around curiously. Harry couldn't see any bookshelves, but he figured that they were behind one of the closed doors which led out of the living room.

"Did something happen or did you just come here to convince yourself that I'm not living like a vampire?"

Harry started at the smooth voice of the Potions Master. He had almost forgotten why he had come here in the first place! He glanced at Snape who was leaning casually against the frame of the fireplace, his fathomless, dark eyes seeming to look straight into Harry's soul.

The young Gryffindor shuddered inwardly as he remembered his Occlumency lessons. He forced himself to focus on the situation at hand and come up with an explanation as to why he had come here, but that was easier said than done. He had always wondered what Snape would look like without those long black robes and seeing him now, wearing only a white, long-sleeved shirt and black trousers was _very_distracting.

Harry unconsciously licked his lips as his eyes trailed up those long legs which revealed just how thin Snape was, to the white shirt that showed off his broad shoulders and finally, the face of the man himself. Harry would be the first to admit that the Potions Master would never win a beauty contest, but his features were... dashing.

His high cheek bones and long nose looked strong in his harsh face, while his eyes... the black depths were burning as the light of the flames caught them.

"Do you want to take a picture of me or are you content with standing there and staring at me all night?" Severus asked, his voice holding both amusement and confusion.

Flustered, Harry forced himself to answer.

"You look much better in these clothes than in your robes," he blurted out and then he froze. What had he just said?!

"I mean... you also look good in your robes, all dangerous and mysterious, but like that..."

Horrified, Harry forced himself to stop before he could dig his grave even deeper. It seemed like every time he opened his mouth this evening, something stupid came out of it. Maybe he should stop speaking altogether, but he doubted it would make any difference. Snape was certainly going to kill him now and...

"Are you mocking me, Potter?"

Harry gulped as the Potions Master stepped closer to him, his expression murderous.

"Do you think it's funny to come here and mock me like your father did? Or do you think that it's your right for making sure that I didn't land myself in Azkaban?"

Harry's eyes widened in shock at the accusations.

"I'm not mocking you!" he protested. "Look, I know I screwed this up, but I just came down here to spend some time with you and to... get to know you better. I certainly don't want to mock you."

Dark orbs narrowed at him as the Potions Master loomed over him.

"You want to get to know me? You have known me ever since you came to Hogwarts the first time, Potter! And if you don't want to mock me, why did you make remarks about my outward appearance?!"

The sneer was back in place. For one moment, Harry almost believed that last year never happened at all, and that Snape still was the horrible git of the dungeons, but he pushed that thought away. It was his fault that the Potions Master thought he was pulling a prank on him, since he was too stupid to express himself properly.

Steeling himself, Harry tried to find the right words this time.

"I think I only started getting to know you last year, especially during the summer. I... would like to get to know you better... and I was only saying what I thought... about your appearance. That's it."

Harry held his breath as he waited for Snape to throw him out or hex him into tomorrow, but the Potions Master only stared at him as if he was trying to determine his intentions. The young Gryffindor was even prepared for Snape to use Legilimency on him to verify his words, but instead the Potions Master took a step back and gestured towards the couch and chairs.

"I think a more comfortable place is needed for this conversation."

Harry sighed in relief as he went to sit down on the couch, opposite Snape. He hoped that he wouldn't make even more of a fool of himself this evening than he already had.

OOO

Why was he here?

Severus frowned at Harry who was sipping at the hot tea he had ordered for him from a house elf. At first, he had truly thought that Potter was only here to mock him, but the earnest look in these emerald eyes had put him at ease. Potter had meant what he said, although Severus couldn't understand why the young man would think that he looked good in his teaching robes... or at all.

Potter on the other hand, was a sight for sore eyes. Severus would be lying to himself if he didn't admit just how handsome the young man was. Potter had grown a little over the summer and his athletic form was proof of how much time he had spent with playing Quidditch.

A few years back, Severus would have sneered at that, but after everything that had happened, he thought Potter deserved to enjoy his final year at Hogwarts.

"So," Severus started, when it didn't look like Potter was going to say anything, "you said you want to get to know me? What's that supposed to mean?"

Severus forbade himself from hoping for the answer he was longing for. It was impossible that Potter was attracted to him; no sane man would be attracted to someone like him. The Potions Master smirked inwardly, he had often enough told Potter what he thought of his mental condition, but he didn't think that the young man was _that_ far gone.

"I thought that we could... start where we left off in the summer," Potter replied, a faint blush creeping into his cheeks and making him look even more attractive**in** Severus' eyes. "I mean, we did get along well back then, didn't we?"

Severus nodded before he could think about it.

"Yes, but why now?" he answered. "You could have come to me all school year or is it because of the upcoming NEWTs? Do you need extra help in potions?"

"No!" Potter said and shook his head vehemently.

Severus frowned. If Potter was a Slytherin, he would be lying. No one would come to see him when they didn't need anything from him, expect maybe for Minerva who wanted someone to have a drink with. But if the young man didn't want help with Potions, what did he want from him then?

"I knew that I could have come to you sooner and I really wanted to keep having conversations with you, but... I just didn't know how to address you, after we were back at school and..."

Potter shrugged and glanced down at the steaming cup in his hands.

For the first time at that evening, Severus realized just how young Potter looked when he was insecure. Like now.

No, scratch that!

Potter didn't just look young, he _was _young. Twenty years younger than he was. Severus swallowed a mouthful of hot tea and tried to ignore the voice telling him just how inappropriate his thoughts about Potter were. It didn't matter, Potter would never know.

"Am I right in guessing that you didn't know how to behave around me once we returned to school?"

When Potter nodded, Severus had to admit that he believed him. He himself hadn't known how to behave around Potter after they had spent so many evenings in each other's company over the summer. They had talked about so many topics that Severus couldn't even remember each conversation clearly anymore. He just knew that he had enjoyed every moment he had spent in Potter's company.

It looked like the young man felt the same way and if he wanted to have Severus as his friend, the Potions Master wouldn't deny him. It was better than nothing after all.

"So, you want to pursue some sort of friendship?" he asked carefully.

When Potter's expression fell, Severus quickly braced himself for a mocking reply. He cursed himself at the same time that he had misinterpreted Potter's intentions, but the young man's reply surprised him.

"I... friendship would be nice, but... I don't know, maybe... more."

Dark orbs widened in surprise as they stared at Potter. Of course, there were many ways to interpret Potter's words, but the telltale blush in those cheeks showed there was only one right interpretation.

Severus took another swallow of his tea. He hadn't expected this at all when he had sat down for a nice evening with his newest book about potion ingredients found in America. He hadn't even thought this far when he had opened his door to find Potter standing there.

The young man wanted more than friendship!

Severus had to put down his tea cup and clasp his hands in his lap to prevent them from trembling. He knew the decent thing to do would be to throw Potter out or at least tell him that he should go looking for someone better suited for him, but...

"You can come down to help me prepare ingredients if you want to get to know me better. Tomorrow afternoon."

Severus was prepared for a refusal, for Potter to tell him to prepare his ingredients himself, but the young Gryffindor actually beamed at him.

"That would be great, Professor!"

Severus cringed at that. It was good if Potter addressed him as such during classes, but if they were to manage some sort of relationship, which Severus was still highly doubting, he didn't want that.

"When you are in my quarters, you can call me Severus."

If possible, the smile on Potter's face grew even brighter.

"Only if you call me Harry," he quickly replied.

Severus nodded. Maybe he could even start calling Potter – Harry – by his given name in his thoughts. He had forbidden himself such familiarity, fearing that he might get even more attached to the young man as he already was. But if they were truly able to learn more about each other, then it was probably fine to do so... at least until Harry found himself someone else.

Severus pushed that thought away, deciding he could allow himself to hope for a while until he was proven wrong again. The clock on the mantelpiece struck then and he stared at it, surprised to find an hour had already passed. Shaking his head, he focused back on his guest.

As much as he would like to have P... Harry – he was allowed to call him that now – here, it would be better if he went back to his dorm now.

"Can you manage to get back to your dorm on your own without getting caught by Filch?"

Severus thought he saw a flash of disappointment in those green eyes, but it vanished the moment Harry stood up and smiled at him again.

"That's not a problem at all."

The Potions Master followed him to the door and opened it. The dungeons outside seemed dark and vacant.

"Goodnight, Prof... Severus."

Green eyes looked expectantly at him, but the Potions Master ignored it as he ushered the young man out of his quarters.

Harry might think that he was interested in him and maybe their time together would prove that, but Severus was sure that Harry would soon realize he only wanted his Potions Master as a friend.

If Severus was that lucky.

Therefore, he refused to overstep a line which Harry might never want to cross again after spending some time with him. Instead of leaning in to those tempting young lips, Severus satisfied himself with running a hand up Harry's arm before stepping back.

"Goodnight, Harry."


	3. The start of something new

**Authors Notes: **I tried my best not to make you wait too long for this update and I hope you are going to enjoy this chapter.

I don`t think that I`ll be able to update this story again this year, especially since I have a story for Christmas and one for New Year`s Eve to work on. :)

I wish you all happy holidays and that you will all have a good start into the next year. =D

**Appreciation: **Thank you, **Yen**! =D I wouldn`t have been able to post this chapter today, if you hadn`t beta-read it so fast and improved it significantly at the same time.*hugs*

**The start of something new**

"Someone might think we are up to no good again."

The three Gryffindors grinned at Ron's words as they sat down in front of the fireplace in the common room.

"I don't think so since no one has tried to break through our Privacy Charm so far," Hermione pointed out.

Ron rolled his eyes at her.

"Of course that has nothing to do with the fact that it's impossible to break your hexes… Oh, and of course because you are with us, Harry."

Harry only shook his head in amusement as Hermione blushed at Ron's words, but didn't argue with him. Their relationship had certainly improved ever since the redhead praised Hermione for her brilliant mind and didn't belittle her for it anymore.

Of course, their Horcrux hunt and the multiple near death situations which they only survived thanks to a lot of good luck and a certain Slytherin had certainly been two reasons why those two had finally gotten together.

Sometimes, Harry wished it was that easy for him as well. Okay, scratch that - it hadn't been easy for Ron and Hermione to finally admit their love for each other, but still… he wanted to have the same with Sna… Severus.

Just the thought was enough to make him groan quietly.

"Is anything the matter, mate?"

Harry shook his head and nodded at the same time, only to finally shrug at Ron's question.

"I don't know. Actually, everything is fine, but somehow it isn't at the same time," he answered and braced himself for an inquisition when Hermione frowned at his words.

"You should probably start with telling us about how your meeting with Professor Snape went last night," she began. "You haven't said a word about it."

Now, it was Harry's turn to raise an eyebrow at the brilliant witch.

"I couldn't tell you because you two weren't in Gryffindor Tower when I came back."

"You could have looked at the map to find us," Ron answered, but his face had turned pink.

Green eyes wandered from him to Hermione, who now trying very hard not to look at him. Harry grinned.

"I'm not that keen on seeing you two in action, thank you very much. But now," he continued, without giving Ron the chance to say anything and therefore embarrassing him and Hermione even more, "I should tell you about the last evening with Sna… Severus."

An excited squeak followed his announcement.

"He gave you permission to call him by his given name?"

If Harry had any doubt left that his best friends didn't whole heartily support him, it would have vanished at the look of utter delight in Hermione's eyes and Ron's grin of approval.

"Yes and I told him to call me Harry as well, but… it's hard to call him that after I have spent so much time calling him Snape in my head."

"You don't even call him Severus in your thoughts?" Ron asked in disbelief.

"No, because he never allowed me or any of us to call him that. I… was afraid that I would end up calling him by his given name by accident if I got too used to his given name."

Ron still looked disbelievingly at him, but Hermione nodded slowly.

"That makes sense and maybe that was also the reason why he didn't allow you to call him that when you two got closer during the summer holidays. Actually…" Hermione trailed off as if deep in thought and then her eyes widened. "Actually, it might even be to your advantage that you waited so long to get closer to him again since the school year is almost over now and everyone is busy with their exams. No one will pay to close attention to you, so you two can just do whatever you feel like doing."

The wicked smile she directed at him gave Harry an idea what she was thinking about.

Who would have thought…?

Harry glanced at Ron whose face was even pinker than before. The redhead probably wasn't blushing because of the mental picture of his best friend with the Potions Master together, but rather because he knew Hermione very well. It made Harry chuckle.

"Are you telling me that we should break some rules and start a relationship?" he teased Hermione.

Instead of denying it and insisting how important rules were, she just nodded.

"It wouldn't be the first time you did that and this time it would also be for a good reason." Hermione braced her hands on her thighs as she leaned forward. "And now tell us what else happened between Professor Snape and you last night."

Sighing, but knowing he didn't have a choice in this matter, Harry told his friends everything about his meeting with the Potions Master and how it had ended.

"He wants you to help him prepare potion ingredients?!" Ron burst out, his blush replaced by a frown. His disgusted undertone suggested that he was thinking of Flobberworms and rat spleens. "Are you sure he doesn't still hate you?!"

"Ron!" Hermione said in an exasperated voice. "I think Professor Snape also doesn't know what he and Harry could do together so he chose that because potions and brewing are always something he feels safe with."

Harry's eyes widened as they looked at her as if seeing her for the first time. How did she…?

"Don't look like that, Harry, you weren't the only one who talked with him during the summer. It's obvious he loves to brew potions and that it gives him a feeling of safety. That said, I guess that he is also unsure about how your relationship will progress, which means that you should do something else together the next time you meet."

Harry frowned at her, feeling confused.

"But didn't you just say he feels safe with his potions? Why should we do something else…?"

Hermione rolled his eyes like she always did when he or Ron asked a question about their homework when the answer was already obvious to her.

"Because you have to show him he can also feel safe with you when he isn't in his lab and because… I don't think you want to spend every date in the dungeons. Do you?"

At Harry's headshake, Hermione punched him lightly on his shoulder.

"Good and now hurry, before you are too late for your date."

One glance at the clock told Harry that she was right and he was late! He quickly jumped up from the couch. He would have to run, if he didn't want to let Severus wait too long.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do as well," Ron called after him as Harry hurried out of the common room.

OOO

He was… too late.

Severus stared at the clock above the fireplace. Harry would have arrived ten minutes ago if he had wanted to be on time.

The Potions Master sighed. He shouldn't have hoped that Harry's arrival at his quarters yesterday had been more than a mere whim. Or maybe it had been more than that, but perhaps the young man only wanted to help him prepare potion ingredients during his free time.

Severus dropped his face into his hands and scolded himself for bringing up this stupid idea in the first place. Just because he felt safe in his potions lab didn't mean Harry would enjoy spending time with him in there. He already knew the young Gryffindor barely tolerated Potions and although his marks had improved this school year, it was clear he would never enjoy the art of potions brewing as much as Severus did.

He… he should have taken that into consideration. It wasn't as if he hadn't learned he could also talk with Harry without having to hide behind the familiar techniques of cutting, slicing and crushing ingredients at the same time. It was just the surprise of Harry suddenly appearing at his doorstep and telling him that he wanted to get to know him better, that he wanted to be… more than friends.

A lame excuse, but a true one. Severus took a shaky breath. He was sure he hadn't misunderstood Harry although he was also certain the young Gryffindor wouldn't fancy him for long.

If he still fancied him at all.

Severus frowned. Perhaps Harry had been under the influence of a very subtle love potion or a hex and had acted because of that?

Severus lowered his hands and clenched them into fists in his lap instead. That would explain why Harry still hadn't appeared and why he had said what he had last night. Why hadn't Severus thought of _that_ before?

A humorless smile appeared on his lips. The answer was simple; it was much nicer to think that a young and attractive man was interested in him – even if only for a while – than to fear everything was only an illusion.

Of course, he should know better by now. No one could ever fall in love with someone like him. It hadn't happened when he was younger and had far less scars, both visible and invisible. It certainly wasn't about to happen now.

With a resigned sigh, Severus stood up. He would go prepare the ingredients for his next potion experiment himself before he drowned himself in self-pity. There was no need to grieve about a tiny hope which hadn't been fulfilled; it would be as useless as pitying himself for being born with his homely looks.

Perhaps he should go looking for work somewhere else so that he wouldn't be reminded of Harry whenever he turned around a corner. Yes, this would be a good time to start a potions business or…

A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts. Surprised dark orbs stared at the harmless looking wooden pattern on the door as another knock sounded from the other side. It must be one of his Slytherins. Who else would be stupid enough to…

"Severus, are you there?"

Severus' heart skipped a beat. Harry was here! He had come here after all!

Before he could stop himself, Severus had already made it to the door and was opening it to a sheepishly smiling Harry.

"Sorry I'm late. Hermione, Ron and I had lost track of time in the common room."

The Potions Master continued staring at him. Here he was, having almost convinced himself that Harry had been influenced by some sort of love spell and now…

"Severus? May I still come in or are you… angry?"

Harry's uncertainty and the way he fidgeted with his hands put Severus' worries at ease a little. It seemed like Harry was as nervous as he was and that… was a good sign.

"I'm not angry, come on in."

With that, Severus stepped aside and showed Harry the way to his private lab.

OOO

"You have more ingredients here than in the classroom."

Harry looked around for the hundredth time as he took in the many glass jars containing either parts of plants or animals. He had never even seen some of them before. By now, he at least knew the names of all the common ingredients and for which potions they were used, but he was completely at a loss as to which would need the pearls of a magical oyster, for example.

"Of course. These are my private stocks and I use them for much more complicated potions than the students will ever have to brew for their lessons."

Harry nodded absently as he looked down at the _Moonshine Roots_ he was cutting into half inch lengths right now. He remembered reading about them in one of the advanced books Hermione had borrowed for them to study for their NEWTs, but the text only said they were very rare and used in very potent healing potions.

Harry didn't think they were for the Infirmary though. After the battle against Hogwarts, there hadn't been any injuries which Madame Pomfrey couldn't heal with the standard potions. He glanced at the Potions Master who was sorting through a disgusting looking mess of fibers and flesh.

"What potion are you going to brew with these ingredients?"

Dark orbs looked up at him before focusing back on the mess. At least it looked that way to Harry.

"I can't say yet, but I hope it will help with _Accidental self-destroying magic_."

Harry only blinked at him. He was sure he had never heard of that before since he didn't even know if it was a disease or a spell.

"What…?"

"It's like the autoimmune disease Muggles are vulnerable to."

Harry almost missed Severus' words as he was treated to the distraction of looking right into those dark orbs.

"Sometimes, due to external forces, a part of the wizard or witch's magic starts to attack itself, while the other part tries to defend it. As a side effect, their organs are damaged and it _usually_ leads to fatality."

Harry's eyes widened at that horrible fate. To be killed by one's own magic, it must be… terrible!

"But you said _usually_, so sometimes the magic stops attacking or…?" He stopped at the sad headshake of the Potions Master.

"No, some wizards and witches just think it is better to live without magic than to not live at all. There is a way to completely neutralize one's magic with a regimen of potions, but that is only possible if their magical core is already weakened. You can't take away the magic of a completely healthy wizard or witch that way."

Harry nodded slowly as he tried to wrap his head around the concept. Of course, he could understand that being alive was more important than being able to perform magic, but… would he be able to choose if something like that ever happened to him?

Could he give up the one part which had turned his life upside down and allowed him to escape a downtrodden life at the beck and call of the Dursleys?

Would he…?

"Don't worry."

Harry started as a warm hand clapped his shoulder and he looked up at the Potions Master. "Since your magic didn't react that way even after a part of the Dark Lord's soul entered you when you were a baby, it's very unlikely that something like this will happen to you."

Harry felt a smile of relief creep on his face as he listened to Severus' reassuring words and felt the warmth of that hand on his shoulder. It grew even wider when he saw an answering uplift on those thin lips. It was… fascinating how much a small smile changed Severus' appearance. The sneering lines around his mouth eased and his dark orbs turned into pools of the deepest and richest chocolate.

Harry found he wanted to see that more often, preferably if he was the cause of it. He also wanted to know how the Potions Master would look after he had been kissed – would he wear a look of surprise or would every last bit harshness in his face melt and show pure happiness instead?

Harry licked his suddenly dry lips. Severus was right there in front of him. He only needed to take a step forward, reach up and he would have that kiss he was longing for. It would fulfill his vow, but that wasn't on the forefront of his mind at the moment.

Of more interest was what would happen afterwards and if Severus…

"Is something wrong?"

The young Gryffindor blinked and noticed he had been caught staring. Blushing, he looked back down at his ingredients which he had almost finished preparing.

Severus' voice had brought him back to reality. Even if he didn't mind kissing him, it was still a little too soon. Harry still didn't know if he felt more than physical attraction to Severus and it would be rather unfair to kiss the man before he had figured out his own feelings.

Besides, Severus had also agreed to take things slowly if Harry had correctly interpreted his words last night. Yes, it would be better if they both took the time to learn about each other first. Harry nodded to himself and then he recalled a question which had been on his mind since the start of their earlier conversation.

"If there is already a potion to save the life of those witches and wizards who are attacked by their own magic, why are you brewing a new potion for it?"

The sigh which came from the Potions Master's lips was very similar to what Hermione would give when he or Ron or he interrupted her reading with a stupid question. Harry braced himself for a sneering reply or a scathing remark, but the Potions Master answered his question calmly.

"As I said before, the series of potions we have at the moment turns them into a squib or even destroys their magical core completely, so the receiver will become a Muggle. Most wizards and witches would rather die than face such a fate, therefore I'm researching a potion which will stop their magic from attacking itself but not destroy it at the same time. You are preparing ingredients for an experimental potion."

Harry's eyes widened as he looked down at his cut roots. Severus hadn't let him prepare ingredients for some simple healing potions, but he trusted him with the preparation for one of his potion experiments.

If Harry made a mistake, then everything might be ruined and…

Severus knew that he was only mediocre at potions, but he still allowed him to…

"I don't think those roots will cut themselves even if you keep glaring at them."

At the tone of Severus' voice which was teasing, rather than mocking, Harry chuckled quietly before reaching for his knife again. He was just about to resume cutting them when another question materialized in his mind.

"Who normally helps you with the preparation of the ingredients?"

"Excuse me?"

When curious green eyes met confused dark ones, Harry had to elaborate.

"I mean, you have so many ingredients and it takes time to prepare them. Surely there must be someone who helps you to prepare them, right? At least when you are researching a new potion like now?"

Harry watched as Severus slowly shook his head.

"I don't know where you got that idea, but I have never had an apprentice like other Potion Masters, especially due to my work as a spy. It would have been too easy for Voldemort to make use of my apprentice for his own purposes, like spying on me... or torturing him to get information about my work, whenever he thought I wasn't keeping up to date. I couldn`t risk so that the only people who are forced to prepare ingredients for me are the unfortunate souls which are stupid enough to play pranks in my Potions classroom and get detention for it... as you should well know, Harry."

Severus' tone was teasing, but Harry only managed a weak smile in return. It wasn't because he was usually the victim of those pranks, but because Severus hadn't been able to do his research like most Potions Masters during the war. It seemed rather unfair, especially when Harry took into consideration that Severus only allowed students to prepare the cheaper ingredients for him. That made sense, of course, since not all of them could prepare them properly, but it also meant Severus had to do all the work for his more important potions himself.

New found pride rose in Harry and he started to cut the roots again. He wouldn't waste a single piece of them now he knew that Severus had placed so much trust in him.

The seconds ticked by. Harry couldn't tell how long he had carefully cut the roots before he finished the last one and put his knife aside.

"Right on time." Severus approved, making Harry smile. He added a few of the cut roots to the bubbling potion and stirred it, nodding to himself as it turned a light pink.

"It seems like it might work this time, but I'll have to let it simmer for two hours before I can continue testing it."

Harry's smile faded and he bit his lip. He had never enjoyed preparing ingredients before, but this time it had actually been enjoyable. It was very different from having detention with Severus because this time, he truly wanted to spend time with the Potions Master and would have even cut Flobberworms if asked to. It had warmed Harry's heart that Severus trusted him with some of his precious ingredients. He would have volunteered to cut even more _Moonshine Roots_ if he hadn't known there was no more need for that. So... did that mean that he should go now or that they could sit down in the living room and talk?

Both possibilities were likely, but he didn't want to go yet so he asked a question which had popped up in his mind while he had been cutting the roots.

"Did my mother ever help you with potions?"

Startled black orbs looked up at him.

"Surely you remember your mother never spoke with me again after I called her... that name during our fifth year at Hogwarts?"

Harry nodded slowly. He hadn't forgotten that, but he also remembered the two had been best friends at one point and he just couldn't imagine best friends not sharing their passions with each other.

Even Hermione came to Harry or Ron's Quidditch matches although she didn't like the game very much. In turn, they both listened whenever she went over the plots of the detective novels she enjoyed reading – or analyzing – since they were best friends so it was only normal to share what was dear to them with the other, right?

With a sigh, Severus moved towards the door and turned back to Harry, looking at him with slightly pained eyes.

"I didn't brew potions that were as complicated as what I brew now, Harry. I only experimented a little with some potions which were in the syllabus when I was allowed in the lab, outside of classes. There certainly was no need for your mother to help me prepare such expensive ingredients like the _Moonshine Roots_."

Harry frowned at him.

"But you told me during the summer that you were used to spending a few hours in the lab every week at Hogwarts, because you were interested in experimenting with potions. And you started experimenting during your third year at Hogwarts, so... my mother could have helped you."

This time Severus' sigh sounded more strained than the first one.

"Did you come here to discuss your mother with me, Harry?"

The young Gryffindor blinked when he noticed how closed Severus' expression was and he finally realized he had been asking about his mother for some time now. No wonder Severus came to the conclusion that Harry was more interested in talking about his mother than in getting to know him.

But his mother _had_ been a part of the Potions Master's life and Harry wanted to know more about their connection.

"I want to get to know you and since my mother is a part of your past, I... think I will understand you better if I understand your past first."

Dark orbs blinked slowly at him and then a small smile appeared on Severus' face.

"I wouldn't have expected such matured words from you. I think we should move to a more comfortable place to have this conversation."

Harry was both happy and relieved to follow Severus to the living-room. He missed the pained look that haunted the dark orbs for a brief moment as the Potions Master left his lab.

OOO

Why had he agreed to tell Harry about this part of his relationship with Lily?

Severus looked at the young man sitting on the couch across from him and sipping at his hot tea. It was good to see Harry seemed truly interested in his life, but Severus was afraid he might follow in the footsteps of his mother, if he heard his story. He wouldn't be the first one to turn his back on him because he couldn't understand Severus' passion for potions and didn't like how much time he spent in his lab.

"You wanted to tell me why my mother never helped you preparing potion ingredients?" Harry prompted.

Severus sighed inwardly and nodded. It was better to tell Harry now so the young man was forewarned and could walk out of the door if he so desired.

"Your mother never understood why I enjoyed studying potions so much," he began.

"But I thought... Slughorn said that she was brilliant at potions," Harry said at once.

"Yes, she was brilliant... but she wasn't passionate about them, at least not the way I was… am."

_"Severus, don't you want to practice a few new charms outside? The weather is great and James Potter and his friends are in Hogsmeade, so they won't disturb us."_

_Severus smiled at Lily. It would be nice to spend some time with her, but he wasn't so keen on practicing charms today._

_"We already practiced them yesterday," he told her. It was true and although they had been interrupted by Potter and his gang, they had mastered the charms Flitwick assigned them to practice. There was no need to spend the entire afternoon outside again._

_"Yes... but we could just sit down at the lake and read or chat a little or something like that."_

_Severus shook his head again. Lily knew he didn't enjoy sitting in the sun that much, since he got sunburned very fast. He was also susceptible to hay fever and it was April when most plants would be in bloom._

_"You only want to spend time in your stupid lab again," Lily accused._

_Severus sighed. They had had this discussion many times ever since Slughorn allowed a few gifted students to use one of the labs for experimenting, supervised by some sixth and seventh years._

_At first, Severus had thought Lily would join in the lab and experiment with him, but she had only smiled at Slughorn when he asked her to join them and told him she would rather spend her time outdoors. Later on, Severus had tried to convince Lily to spend at least one afternoon every week in the lab, but she always denied his request. She enjoyed brewing potions during their lessons, but she didn't want to spend her free time in the lab._

_"It's not a stupid lab... it's a lot of fun to experiment with potions and..."_

_"Of course it's stupid. It's not as if a mere third year could come up with something new. You only follow the instructions and maybe you add a different ingredient and then the potion explodes right in your face!"_

_A small frown appeared on Severus' face._

_"I have come up with a few new ideas, but although I don't know yet how to change the recipe of the potion in order to fulfill my ideas, at least I have never managed to make a potion explode in my face."_

_"No?"_

_Lily took a step closer to sniff at him and then she wrinkled her nose._

_"You certainly smell like you just did and your hair looks very greasy from spending so many afternoons bent over cauldrons. That's why I thought it would be good for you to spend some time outside, but if you would rather brew your boring potions, do that."_

_Severus could only stare at Lily who was glaring at him now. He thought they were friends, but she had just insulted him as badly as Potter and his gang did. Moisture was burning in his eyes as he turned around and all but ran to the lab. At least there, no one would insult him there and no one would question him if his eyes were watering over a cauldron._

"Wait - my mother told you that you smelled and that your hair was greasy?!"

Severus cringed at the disbelief in Harry's voice. Of course, the young Gryffindor wouldn't believe his words. He might believe such things about his father, but Lily... Severus wouldn't have believed it himself if he hadn't been the victim of her insults.

"She apologized later. We were only thirteen at that time."

When Harry shook his head, Severus mentally prepared himself for some sort of outburst. Harry would deny that his mother ever insulted someone like that, call Severus a liar and then walk out the door and never look at him again.

At least, it would happen now... before Severus could fall even harder for the young Gryffindor.

"Still... it's not right she said that at all! You were friends! Ron or Hermione never said anything like that to me, although Hermione doesn't understand my passion for Quidditch."

Harry's words registered very slowly in Severus' mind. Could it be that he was upset on his behalf and angry at his mother?

No, that couldn't be... that would be too big a miracle to be true. No one had ever shown understanding of his passion for potions. Albus would discuss it with him from time to time, but the late Headmaster had also never understood why Severus spent almost all his free time in his lab. None of them saw how beautiful and fascinating potions could be, how the tiniest change could bring out a huge difference and that... that they had never hurt him with their words or deeds. His experiments could explode in his face if he wasn`t careful, but they never humiliated him.

Severus gulped when he remembered how many times he had flown to his lab to forget a bitter experience and lose himself in his potion brewing. He couldn't tell Harry about that.

Maybe the young Gryffindor would understand it, since Severus guessed Quidditch was also a way for him to release stress, but he didn't dare to open himself up that much.

Besides, Harry wouldn't stay here much longer. Not after what Severus had told him about his mother, despite his supportive words.

"You are very lucky to have those two as friends."

Harry nodded and smiled and then a pained look entered his emerald eyes.

"I'm sorry my mother said such hurtful things to you."

Severus could only stare at Harry. He hadn't imagined it; Harry was truly upset about what Lily had said to him all those years ago. Warmth spread through his chest and he managed a small smile.

"You don't have to apologize for Lily's deeds. You aren't responsible for them... just like you aren't responsible for what your father did."

If Severus had thought Harry's features handsome before, they were downright beautiful right now as a brilliant smile lit up the face of the young man. The Potions Master forced himself to look down at his cup of tea, before he got any inappropriate ideas just by looking at Harry's slightly parted lips and his shining green eyes.

"But as many faults as your father had, he would have been proud of you for your talent at Quidditch...and your courage when you stood up against Voldemort. Probably in that order."

Severus didn't know why he had said that. He just knew he had to continue talking before he lost himself completely in Harry's eyes and gave into the urge to kiss the young man.

"I have heard the first part a lot," Harry said with a shrug, "but... does that mean that your father wasn't proud of you for your achievements in potions?"

Severus snorted before he could stop himself. The imagination that Tobias Snape would pat his son on the shoulder for anything he had achieved in the Wizarding World was hilarious.

"My father hated the fact that my mother was a witch and he hated her even more for giving birth to an abnormal and freakish son, instead to an athletic heir."

"Your father was an idiot!"

Startled, Severus's head jerked up. Harry looked furious and he was visibly shaking. Shaking with anger, Severus concluded after one look at those stormy, green eyes.

"You are the bravest and strongest man in the world! He should have been proud of you no matter what!" Harry declared.

Severus froze. He had known Harry respected him now and obviously had a crush on him, but he had never thought it possible that Harry thought so highly of him. Still, the young Gryffindor's thoughts were much too naïve. He held an ideal of Severus in his mind, which Severus himself had no idea how it had gotten there, but knew he could never dream of reaching.

"Harry… you don't really know me."

Instead of blowing up or telling him in even more idealistic terms just how well he knew him, Harry only smiled at him.

"I know and that's why we have to get to know each other better. Would you like to go out with me after I have taken my NEWTs?"

Severus was too surprised by the question to react with anything else than a nod.

"Fantastic, we have a date now!"

Harry beamed at him and although Severus already feared their outing would end in disaster, he felt himself mirroring Harry's smile. He could almost believe that something good could come out of their date, if the young man kept smiling at him like this.


End file.
